Shiver
by skipster-chic
Summary: Lana is a student at Met U. One day she gets an unexpected visitor.


Ok this is a standalone, and I had to get it out of my system. I noticed that I have been making a habit of Kalana standalones but yeah, hope you like it. I guess this could be viewed as a sequel to CLOSER, but you don't have to read it to know what's going on.

Title: Shiver  
Disclaimer: No I don't own it..  
Rating: NC-17

I had that same dream again last night. I sit up and smack the unrelenting noise of my alarm clock that reads five A.M. It was one year ago today when I last saw him. I was still in high school then, shame on me, such a naive little girl. I wanted to believe that he was back for good, I wanted to believe that he still loved me the way I loved him, I wanted to believe that after that it would be different. This is weird, I haven't had that dream for a while now. It feels like yesterday, I reminisce as I close my eyes. The images, they still haunt me. It was one year ago, but the pain is still fresh.

I was asleep that night when he came to me. He'd been gone for a whole year and what did he do? No 'Hi Lana, I missed you. I love you.' Instead it was a wham-bam-thank-you-mam and he was gone. I lost two things that day and I know that I will never get them back; I lost my innocence and I lost my Clark.

'Get up, Lana' I think to myself. I need to start my day. I carefully get up, being quiet so I don't wake Chloe and I grab a towel. I need to shower. After I close the door behind me, I make my way down to the dorm showers. No one is in there, that is why I like showering so early in the morning. I leisurely stroll over to my favorite stall and begin to undress myself. It's weird how the showers at the Metropolis University dorms remind me so much of the girl's locker room back at Smallville high. I sigh as I turn the water on, smiling to myself as steam fills the room. I let down my hair and stand directly under the water. I love the feeling of hot water running over my scalp. 

"Shit," I say to myself as I drop the soap on the floor. "Nice Lana, the first word that you say in the morning is 'shit'." Swearing is a really bad habit and I shake my head to myself as I bend down to pick up the fallen soap. I turn around as I stand up. I could've sworn that I saw something in the corner of my eye. 'Damned peripheral vision.' I sigh and continue to look around. Must've just been the fog.

My thoughts drift back to Smallville and all of my childhood memories as I stand motionless under the water. I start to think of high school and then of Clark. I feel a single tear slide down my cheek. Wait, is that a tear? No, I haven't allowed myself to cry over him for a year, today. It must just be the water. Suddenly, I feel overwhelmed and I can't take it anymore.

"Bastard!" I yell in anger and I throw the soap against the tile wall. "Why did you leave me..." I then trail off, as I slide down to the shower floor. I sit there for a few minutes until I hear footsteps. Can't I have a shower in peace? That is what I hate about college, no privacy. I quickly stand up and attempt to compose myself, retrieving the abused soap. Then the footsteps stop and nothing after that. Who is that? I suppose that is one of my worse traits. Lana Lang, ever so curious.

"Hello?" I call out into the fog. "Hello? Who's there?" Maybe she left. I try to reassure myself as I go about my shower. But who would that be? I am the only one even awake in our dorm at this hour. This is all Chloe's fault, her investigative reporter skills are rubbing off on me. "Are you there?" I ask one more time. I get no answer and sigh in relief.

"Looks like it's just you and me Mr. Soap." That's the way I like it. I like to be alone. I don't need to speak to people. I can entertain myself, just my thoughts and me. A hand grabs my shoulder and I drop the soap. I turn around to face this invader of my privacy. Along with the soap, my whole world comes crashing down. I stumble backwards until I hit the cold tile wall. It's him, what is he doing here now? Did he come to taunt me? To hurt me? To use me? I look at him in fear as he approaches me. I take the time to notice that he is naked, which isn't a very long time.

"What, uh, what are you doing here?" I feel my throat run dry as he approaches me. To my horror, I feel my body shudder with desire. No, not shudder, shiver. "Clark..." If I wasn't crying earlier then I certainly am now, although he can't tell, at least I don't think he can. "Why are you here? Go! Leave!" I yell as I throw my loofah at him. 

My body is now flat up against two walls, one being cool tile and the other being Clark. He leans down to kiss me and at first I respond but then pull away. "Why are you doing this to me?" I say as I look at the floor and watch the water cascade down the drain. He ignores my question as he traces my bottom lip with his thumb. I guess that I was wrong earlier. He did notice my tears and he is now wiping them away. "Do you like hurting me?" He still ignores me, but at least acknowledges my question and shakes his head 'no'. His hands begin to play, caressing my collarbone. Soon that isn't enough for him as he lets them trail south. When he reaches my lower stomach I push his hands away, even though I am burning up inside. I feel myself shudder against him, yes, shudder. That is usually what happens when I try to hold back my tears. 

"Don't cry," he speaks for the first time. His voice is silky smooth and I want nothing more than to be that naive girl again. I want him to use me, I want physical contact with him. I want him to need me, if only for a little while. "You're different," he says, I think more to himself than to me.

"Why are you here? Why are you doing this to me?" I reiterate as he presses me against the wall even more. I can feel my temperature rising, but I do my best to ignore it. He brings his hand back up to my face as he peels a few pieces of wet hair from it.

"I need..." He trails off.

"Yes?"

"You, I need to be near you." It isn't exactly an 'I love you', but it's a step. We are making progress and I can't help but fall in love with him again. His head comes down and sits in the crook of my neck. He rubs his face back and forth, as though he's nuzzling me.

"What are you doing?" I ask as my hands involuntarily come up to stroke his hair. I know that I shouldn't, but my body stopped listening to my mind a very long time ago.

"I'm making a memory," he says in a small voice. Why is he making a memory? He's going to leave me again. He's so selfish, doesn't he stop to think about how this makes me feel? He can't just come in and out of my life when he wants to. All of these thoughts filled with hate, pain, rage, and anger race through my mind. I want so badly to scream at him and kick him, I want to call him a bastard even, but I don't. I can't. At that moment, I decide what's important. I need him, I want to have him, if only for a little while. Maybe, if we are together again then he will come back like he did today. If not, then I can make a memory of my own. I snicker at myself in irony, for I have become Clark's courtesan, my compensation being his love. 

"Clark..." I let myself trail off and my eyes close as his hands begin to slide up and down my sides. I feel his head lift from my shoulder and I look up straight into his eyes, its almost as if I am looking through him. I see the hint of red again, I remember it from our last encounter.

"Was I your first?" he whispers the question into my hair and I fervently nod. I want to tell him that he was not only my first, but my only. I want to so bad, but I refrain for reasons that I will never know. "Your only?" he asks the question for me and I nod again. This is strange, his voice sounds so foreign. This city has made him cold and unloving. "Lana..." he whispers my name into my hair and I know what he wants. Funny, I knew what he wanted when he first showed up. I've just accepted it by now.

"Hmm?" I decide that I should at least acknowledge his presence. He's made progress since last time. A year ago today, he deliberately hurt me and left me...used me. It is the same today, but today, I am using him as well.

Then he says it, this thing that makes my eyes snap open. "Can I keep you?" I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. My heart is screaming 'yes!', while my mind is blank. I am officially numb, I can't feel anything. I can barely even feel him as he kisses my jawline. "I need you," he says as his hands begin to roam my body yet again. His right hand comes to my face and rubs my cheek as his left hand runs down to my backside and presses me against him. I can feel him, but I ignore it. He brings his lips down to kiss mine as he slowly, yet skillfully hoists me up. "Say it, Lana." This confuses me and my eyebrows furrow. My hands come up to his face and I push his wet hair back, but for no reason. The water keeps falling, pushing his hair down into his eyes. 

"Say what?"

"Say it for me." When he says that I know exactly what he's talking about. Should I? Why does he want me to say it? Does he need to feel loved?

"I love you Clark." I finally give in. My reasons for saying it, are not what you'd expect. Most would be bitter after what he did, and I was, but I can see now that he needs to feel loved. If we are ever going to make any kind of progress then he needs to know that I love him. I can see that he still cares for me, just by what he says. After I do finally say 'it', he presses his body against mind and brings his hand to my hip. I can feel him underneath of me and unlike last time, I shiver in anticipation.

"Do you want it?" he asks, now he's just teasing me. I am willing to be teased though. He doesn't know this, but I can see right through him. I know that his exterior is all a facade and I know that he is asking me these questions because deep down inside, he needs to be needed. My hands come up to his chest as I nod again. I've just noticed how little I've spoken to him. For once, he is doing all the talking. Then I feel him pierce me in sweet penetration. This divine friction causes me to just about lose my mind. Soon I can't control myself as my screams become louder. He places a hand over my mouth and manages to let out a raspy, "shhh," in an attempt to quiet me. He doesn't know that I can tell how hard he is trying not to yell himself. He skillfully runs his hand through my hair and then brings it down to pleasure me in other areas. I don't mind as I try to keep up my rhythm.

I feel my movements evolving from a soft bob to a strong rock as my legs tighten their hold on him. He begins to move faster as well, as he grabs my face in his right hand, forcing me to look into his eyes. I close my eyes, I need to avoid his. "Look at me," he commands in a soft voice. I reluctantly do as I am told and I know that he is close to being done. Sadly, my time with him is coming to a close. I try to mentally prepare myself for it. When he's done, I know that he will leave me. I will not allow myself to be heartbroken again.

At long last, I feel my thigh muscles begin to tighten and ferment. He feels this as well and gives me a smug smirk. I feel myself syncopate in bittersweet release. It is complete ecstasy, if only for a moment. He holds me tight and it brings back more memories. I love this man so much, but what can I do? I shiver as he pulls back. I expect him to leave right away but to my surprise, he doesn't. He stays fixed in place in front of me, our eyes locked. What should I do? I'm not prepared for this. Without warning, he brings his lips to mine in a soft kiss and I remember what his kisses feel like. So soft, yet so powerful.

I can hear someone approaching and I take it that he can too. He takes his time to kiss me good-bye again and then kisses the top of my head. "You're mine," he says and in the blink of an eye, he is gone. Chloe soon appears in his place.

"Lana?" she asks me. I ignore her, for I am amazed. For the first time in so long, I have hope. I am numb as I stand under the screeching hot water and I shiver.


End file.
